he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
