I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
