at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
