he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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