I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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