How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
