My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
