mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
