Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
