Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
