What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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