So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
