They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize