Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
