Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
