woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
