she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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