I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
