No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
