I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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