My brain says no but my pants say off.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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