do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
