sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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