so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
