grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
