im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
