Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What drink are we having for lunch?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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