we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
