can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
