I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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