ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
