Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
