Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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