dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
