So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
