No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
