it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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