if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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