Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
false alarm, still single
Randomize
