4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
