it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
