Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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