I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
