Is it normal to miss your booty call?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
