there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
