The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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