Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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