I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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