Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
