New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
