Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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