I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
