Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
