I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
