I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
