I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
