I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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