I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
