How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize