Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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