dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
