He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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