the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
