I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
