Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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