JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
