Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
