My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
