Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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