I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
