i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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