we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
