Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
