Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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