even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
