it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
