He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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