Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
