when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
