her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize