you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
