Taylor Swift is so right about you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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