Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i was born a porn star she said
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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