How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
