I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize