Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
