You made me cry and you don't even care
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
