This girl is more easily done than said...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
