CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize