why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
