i used baking grease as lip gloss
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
