he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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