Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
