just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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