Can i not drive my cunt home
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
