well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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