goodnight i made you a song goodbye
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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