My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
