its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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