Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
