At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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