I think I won the penis lottery.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
