Need sex. Gaining weight.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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