I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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