I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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